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NobleCanni Series: (12) “Bachelorette #1 (Us)”

Emma Knox

     You’re the bachelor, ever eligible, ever beautiful and powerful and lovely, and you’re on the hunt for your perfect match. That match, of course, must be everything you’ve ever wanted and needed, and the timing must be right, and they must be attainable. The bachelor, in this analogy, is the person searching for the answer to their qualms (still you); the match in this analogy, the answer to those qualms, is us… and we’re–yes!–available, timely, and exemplary in every manner. In fact, we exceed your desires– but more on that below.

     The first request on your date me application: “Check all my boxes.” Let us put you at ease: we check all your boxes and more. In the end, your checklist is affected by one thing above all else: your dream, your mission, the life you’re desperate to achieve… And to achieve that, you need to be at your best. You need to be awake and energized to carpe diem, which means sleep is critical; with our CBD products, you can do that. You need to be feeling well both mentally and physically, with as little pain (emotional or physical) as possible; our CBD products, again, provide that relief to you. You need every hindrance to disappear in a cloud of vapor; we can help you dissolve them. And to do your best, you need to be the best version of yourself, something achieved by being compassionate and noble, which we can also help you with–NobleCanni is a company of activism and charity as much as it is a company about CBD–since our most important cause is, and will always be, the betterment of people’s lives. Make a positive impact on yourself and your life while also helping people around the world (and the world itself). We can be the stepping stone to your dream future.

     The second request is that you need to trust your potential lover. They can’t be liars or evaders or tricksters– they need to be reliable and entirely trustworthy. We can confirm this aspect of your application too, since NobleCanni stands on a sturdy and strong foundation. Our founders and workers are extraordinary, working tirelessly in your best interest, and would catch you in a trust fall every damn time (even if you’re twice their weight and height) (even if it’s tiny 5’2” Kimmy catching you). Our partners are fantastic, reliable and beloved and beyond noble, and would never have let go of Jack’s hand (unlike Rose, curse her). And our products (and their companies) are fantastic too, equally reliable and beloved and noble, with everything you need and no ha! got you!s. We’re well worth your trust.

     You need someone to come along at the right place at the right time. Well, it’s always the right time with us! And right place? Well, just go to noblecanni.com. There’s no argument to be made here. We’re plenty timely– we’re just waiting on you to come along.

     And your final note is that your partner must be attainable. We are surely that, easily accessed and always available for your perusal and pursuit. We aren’t going steady, nor are we limited– NobleCanni is a one for all and all for one place. You’re welcome any time.

     It seems we fit every criteria you’re looking for. Did we get the date? (You’d be foolish to say no.)

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